the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
