I seem to have left my pride at pride
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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