sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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