You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
