i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
