We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
