I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
