smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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