Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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