you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Randomize
