what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
