He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
