I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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