the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
