Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
