I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
