I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
