Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize