having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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