yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
