Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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