So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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