spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
