my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
