best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
