I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
