where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
