so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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