Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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