wake up i wanna do it froggy style
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
