Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
false alarm, still single
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize