so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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