Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
