Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
