Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I need a beard to bite.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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