If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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