You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
