So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
