You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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