That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
