I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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