I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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