I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
