I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
