hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
