Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
