Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize
