Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
