I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Randomize