You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Randomize
