spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
so much tequila, so little girl.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
