i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
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