420 ftw
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
