People with herpes should wear stickers.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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