I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
