I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
