Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
