I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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