4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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