thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
