If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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