all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
