You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
