from now on my penis is your penis
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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